I'm Talking to the (Wo)Man In The Mirror

Man, God's really been kicking my butt about a few things lately. About a massive sin I've been trying to hide. The reality is that I can't hide it anymore, becuase it's hurting me and it's hurting others.

That sin is caring more about what some people think of me than I do about what GOD thinks of me. That sin is believing the lies that have been sewn in my heart, lies that I'm too much and not enough all at the same time. Lies that if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. Lies that I'm not worthy to be an officer, or a Christian, or anything of value.

The funny thing is, I spend half my life speaking TRUTH into young girls lives. Telling them what their worth is, that Christ loves and believes in them, that Christ thinks they're highly favoured, that they are enough, that they can do anytihng Christ requires of them with His strength. But when I look in the mirror I realize that I haven't been believing that truth for myself.

The biggest problem is, that the enemy has been using so many different ways to "confirm" the lies to me. Friends telling me I'm not a good enough friend, friends totally changing the way they look at me - if they even look at me anymore, people talking behind my back, people distancing themselves from me. Some of these are very real, written in black and white, some are my interpretation of something that perhaps isn't really even happening... perhaps the other persons side looks totally different, I honestly wouldn't know because I'm too caught up in believing the lie the situation has confirmed to me.

Tonight, that happened. And as I was lying in bed just now, the lines from that Michael Jackson song sprung to mind "I'm starting with the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways, And no message could have been any clearer, if you wanna make this workd a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change"

So to the woman staring back at me in the mirror...and perhaps to the man or woman staring back at YOU in the mirror.

You are worthy.
You are enough.
You are not too much.
People do know the real you and they like you.
You are a daughter (or perhaps for you son) of the most High God.
You are reedeemed and forgiven.
You are highly favoured.

I'm going to try to stop trying to be who everyone else wants me to be, and remember who Christ wants me to be. I'm going to try to stop worrying that my friends don't like me, or stressing over petty arguments with people. I'm gong to make ammends when I am wrong, and seek forgiveness. But I'm going to let go when I am right. There's no need for justice, that's God's business. I'm going to start listening to what God thinks of me, and the truth in that.

And for some of the girls I've been chatting to about this - I want you to do the same! - we'll pray the simple prayer every day until it becomes such a part of us that we don't even have to question it anymore:

God,
Forgive me for caring more about what others think of me than what You do.
Help me to realize my worth in You.
Help me to help others realize their worth in You.
Thank you that in Your eyes, I am enough, I am worthy, and I am loved.
Amen.