Don't sweat the petty things

Yesterday was a bad day... actually, let me say it was a REALLY bad day! Probably the worst I've had since moving to Torquay to be honest. It wasn't that any major crisis happened or anything like that, nothing dramatic, just things that feed into your mind and take over.

For instance - two different people made comments about their "disappointment" in something I'd done. Now for those of you who don't know me, I don't cope well when told I've disappointed people. I don't like disappointing people. In fact, I'd go as far as to say I HATE disappointing people. If you want to knock me for a six, all you have to say is "I would have liked if you had have......" and I'll fall in a heap and feel like a failure. Ridiculous I know, but a reality.

My immediate response when told what a disappointment I was, was anger... I was REALLY angry. Firstly, because one of the people involved had been upset with me for 3 years, and had not once mentioned it... not at all! And secondly, because the other person who I heard was upset with me (a) didn't tell me and (b) wasn't accurate in their disappointment (ie. I'd done what they had claimed I hadn't done!) So I went for a walk, but the more I walked, the more that anger turned into frustration and then into fear, and then into a sense of failure. You see both of these people probably felt better for getting it off their chest, but they had left me with nothing to do... they'd laid blame, but not given me an opportunity to do anything about their disappointment. It was too late. Any attempt of making amends was lost by the way they handled their disappointment.

So as I laid in bed last night, apologising profusely to God for being such a failure, and such a horrible person, and for not being enough, I had an epiphany. Their anger and disappointment was not my problem - what I do with their anger and disappointment towards me is my problem. It seems pretty simple to most people, but this is one of those life-lessons I've had to learn. I had a choice - a crossroads if you like - I could choose to go down the path of the "pity party" (Poor me, I'm rubbish, I'm worthless, I'm the worst youth worker in the world, I'm the worst friend ever, nobody loves me) or I could choose to apologise, try not to do it again, and move on! And that's what I've decided to do!

Now I know this seems really silly to some people, but the reality is, it's not silly to me. It's really hard for me to deal with other people's disappointment. As I've told most of my close friends before - you don't need to point out my failings and my weaknesses - trust me, I know what they are better than anyone! I have spent most of my life dwelling on those weaknesses. What you can do is be honest with me AT THE TIME I've done something, so we can sort it out. You can help me overcome my weakness, and failures. That's what I need.

So I woke up this morning, and prayed that God would help me find some encouragement, to drown out the negative voices in my head. Sure enough, as I walked out the door, and got into Catherine's car - I saw my little mate Saxon (he's 3). Big smiles, big excitement cos Sarah was here. Then as we were setting up for mainly music, Catherine told me she'd been praying for one of the situations, and that she just felt God saying "Blessed are those who are persecuted for my name" - and that I shouldn't worry what that one particular person had felt, because I'm doing what I can. Then one of my other little friends, Caitlin (also 3) was driving to mainly music and had talked to her mum about some stuff and I had come up. She was worried I might need a little extra help and her mum came right up and told me how much Caitlin loved me and was thinking about me. Right then, I realized... I can choose to listen to the two people in my life who are disappointed, or I could choose to situate myself with those who God has placed in my care spiritually (our kids) and get my encouragement from the way God is working in their lives.

You see, when you stop sweating the petty stuff, you're eyes are opened to the bigger picture. And the best way to stop getting overwhelmed by negatives, is to serve others. I just read General Shaw Clifton's letter to Salvationists. In it, he reminded us of the life of Colonel Bo Brekke, and the sacrifice he made devoting his life to others. If Colonel Brekke had let himself get bogged down by the few who might have been angry at him throughout his life, he would not have been able to impact the lives of the hundreds (possibly thousands) of people who God has used him to reach.

I leave you today with a clip of one of my favourite worship songs - it reminds us that God is ever faithful, and never changes, but mostly that God is in control - and don't we all just need a little reminding of that!

Fighting my Goliath's!

We had a great small group last night. We've begun a new study - the Liquid Series - which is a great resource if you're looking for something for your small groups.
The first one we did was on David & Goliath (1 Samuel 17). I think when you grow up as a Christian, you get to know these stories pretty well but I think sometimes, God just gives you an "a-ha" moment ya know?

Last night, as we watched the dvd, I got to thinking about the Goliath's we create. Things that are so tiny in reality, but we allow them to get huge. Things like finance, relationship dramas, loneliness, self-doubt... things that can be fixed, if we would only have David's faith in our God who is bigger than all of these things.

I'm not someone who likes to over-spiritualize things, but my goodness our team has been dealing with some pretty hard core spiritual attack lately. I'm not talking demons jumping out at us or anything, more subtle stuff such as disunity, fear, and self-doubt. All in the lead up to the first birthday of our church at Torquay. Some of our baby-Christians (that's people who have just become Christians and are learning about the whole church thing still) have been considering becoming official members of our church - what a beautiful idea and celebration! But of course, those of you who have planted churches, or are evangelists will know - when things are going well, that's when suddenly cracks appear and the foundations are tested.

So we've got a few Goliath's to face. And the going is getting pretty tough at the moment.

Personally, I've got some self-doubt Goliath's to face (you know, "what am I doing, I'm not good at this, I can't do this, how could God really use me, I'm rubbish" sort of thing) and the more I try to fight it on my own, the more the self-doubt creeps in.

But something struck me last night - the thing about David was that he never doubted that God was bigger than Goliath. People were scared of Goliath's size, so they wouldn't even try to fight him - but David didn't see his size, David saw an opportunity for God to win the battle, and show people His power!

On his own, David couldn't have beaten Goliath, but he didn't fight him on his own, he fought him with God's power.

So last night, when I was lying there convinced that I couldn't do this, that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't smart enough, or whatever else crept in I just kept saying "I can't, but God can" and repeating 1 Samuel 17:47


"And everyone assembled here will know that the Lord rescues his people, but not with sword and spear. This is the Lord’s battle, and he will give you to us!”

The battle is the Lord's, and He will fight it. I just need to be faithful to God, and TRUST in Him and HIS power.

For a bit of a laugh, I've included a great clip that Josh Griffin from Saddleback showed us at the PDYM conference and the National Youth Ministry Convention... love it, makes me laugh!

Peace to you all!

The place which God's prepared

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10


I've been thinking a bit about whether God is actively or passively involved in your day to day life. I've had some friends questioning this sort of thing lately, and I guess it's caused me to think.

I read verses like the above, and it would suggest at first reading that God is incredibly active in your day to day life, preparing the way for you in advance. Some argue this verse actually refers to heaven, and that if we act as Christ's agents on earth, God has prepared heaven for us.

It's all rather confusing.

But here's what I've seen in my life.

When doors are closed in my life, windows miraculously open... and I mean miraculously. When I question what is right (and by question, I mean I ask God) in different aspects of my life, it seems there is always a door opened or closed. Take my current job. I'd been feeling like an orphan away from my family since leaving The Salvation Army. It felt as if one of the most significant parts of me was no longer there. Suddenly, my parents are moved back "home" to Victoria, outside of Melbourne, to Geelong. I meet Phill & Catherine, the Corps Officers at Torquay (15 mins from my parents corps) and there is a window of opportunity for me to get a job at Torquay. The problem is, I loved Concern Australia right?! I mean, I worked with great people, I enjoyed the work I was doing, and I didn't want to leave. So I prayed about what God wanted me to do. I felt that if a specific thing happened, that would be a closing of a door for me, as I couldn't see any further growth happening for me within that position. What do you know, two days later, exactly the thing I prayed would be a closing of the door, happened... two days later. Coincidence? Freaky? Maybe, but things have been great ever since, and I was able to leave Concern on good terms.

Life has been so great here ever since... it as though God had been preparing me "for such a time as this", and each day I'm challenged and growing more and more in my faith, and in my personal & professional life.

But no matter what that verse ACTUALLY means, I know that it is true - that when we press into God, when we strive to be more like Jesus, and when we pray constantly to grow more and more into the people God saw when He created us, we can see God at work within our lives... and we can be assured that we are going to the place where God has prepared - on earth and in heaven!

AMEN!!!

Minor Christian Celebrity!

My friend Graeme absolutely made my day today! I got to the office and received a little button (badge) in the mail, which reads "Minor Christian Celebrity".

This little joke goes back to Blackstump 2006, when Mike Pilavacci spoke about the whole 'Minor Christian Celebrity' thing and how God brings you down to earth pretty quickly. If you're interested, email me and I'll tell you the story. But anyway, after Blackstump this became a little bit of an in-joke for those who were there. Afterwards, my dear friend Pete made me a t-shirt with "minor christian celebrity" written on it, and I was telling the crew from NYMC all about it. They found it as funny as I did.

It's so funny isn't it? That "Celebrity" has even infected the church... that we think that once we become "celebrities" we've made it! If people know our names, and talk about us in some way, we're suddenly special - or more important - or more scarily - more impressive to God. But doesn't the bible say "by your fruits you shall be known"? I mean, for some people, their fruits will be changing hundreds of lives through their preaching, but for others, it might be changing the lives of one or two people by the way you live out your life... it isn't about numbers or fame, it's about people, and allowing yourself to be used by Christ to impact lives.

But Graeme's pressie got me thinking you know - about where my life could have gone, had I decided not to return to The Salvation Army. Many of you know the decision for me to leave the Army was a painful one (the sort of pain I would not wish upon anyone), but because of it, I got to experience things I would NEVER have experienced without the time away. One of those things, was Blackstump - and the opportunity to preach at church, festivals and speaking in schools.

To be really honest, there is a bit of me that misses that. Not the speaking so much (I speak every week at Extreme Kids & Extreme Kids Live & Extreme Soldiers)but the things that go hand in hand with the preaching. I miss the community that develops when you're preparing a sermon, or for a festival, or for a seminar at a school. It's a unique group of people that you get to be around. And afterwards, because for some reason Preachers are held in such high regards (aka minor christian celebrity status), people wait to speak with you and you get to hear some really interesting stories from people you would never get to meet if you weren't preaching. These stories have impacted my life more than you could imagine - and often, I feel I've received more than I've given out!

Deciding to return to the Army, was a step away from that world. You see, the preaching opportunities outside of our church, probably won't happen now. The school seminars certainly won't (though as I wrote the other day, I'm going to be pushing that a bit more so that I can get young female preachers back on the agenda in the Salvos). It was a hard decision, because for the first time, I had to say "I'm willing to give up myself for the God to use me in the Army - give up my hopes, my dreams, my hurts - to be His servant, where I'm sent".

So in essence, I've kissed my wannabe "minor christian celebrity" days goodbye. Now I'm not saying that we thought or felt that we were celebrities - in fact we (by we I mean myself and one of my closest friends, who is one of the most gifted preachers I know and hopefully is getting more opportunities on the circuit - Praise God!) would often say "Anyone who thinks Preaching is a glamour gift, has never done it!" - if anything, the gift of preaching & teaching was more often a burden than it was a glamourous life (do you know the responsibility placed on you when you're teaching God's word!!!!). But whilst it was a lot of fun going to schools, festivals, bible colleges, churches and the likes, it was nerve wracking and a huge responsibility.

But mostly what I miss is the preparation of a sermon - the journey God takes you on before you preach. It's always a journey of pain, and self-discovery - God doesn't let you preach something you haven't lived. So I miss that journey so much.

But the really strange thing is, I'm so at peace with leaving it all behind. I'm so blessed now, God has given me a group of children to invest in, and is taking me on a journey with them.

I guess what I'm saying is that if I never become a Minor Christian Celebrity, that's okay. I want to be known by my fruits purely before God, not before man. And I'm praying that God looks upon the way I live my life in our local community, with our small but growing church, and says "it is good". And what could be better than that?

Salvation Army Officer Murdered in Pakistan

Many of you by now have heard that Colonel Bo Brekke, the Territorial Commander in Pakistan, was murdered at 6:30pm (Pakistan Time) on September 27th, 2007. Whilst I personally did not know Colonel Brekke, my parents had spent some time with him when they were serving in the UK, and he was the Divisional Commander in Scotland.

Obviously, when "one of your own" is lost - particularly "in the line of duty" - you feel their loss, whether you know them or not. From what I know of this man, he was a strong leader, passionate about The Army's work in Asia, and a supporter (and instigator) of The Salvation Army's Fair Trade movement. Upon hearing of his death, my parents decided to lead their church, The Salvation Army South Barwon in a time of prayer and thanksgiving for the life of Colonel Brekke. We made a tribute video to the great Joy Webb song 'Candle of the Lord" which I have included below.




At this time, we remember Colonel Birgitte Brekke, and their two sons.

We pray for the accused murderer, a former Salvation Army Officer, who whilst arrested, escaped from Prison and at yet has not been found. We ask that God would do a work in his heart and that he will come forward.

We pray for General Shaw Clifton as he spends time leading The Salvation Army through this tragedy.

But mostly, we should thank God for the life of Colonel Bo Brekke, and the impact he had on The Salvation Army and on the world.

I'm a Woman, and God loves me!

I've just spent time at two different conferences. I've been so blessed by both. The first was the "Purpose Driven Youth Ministry" conference, which was held in Box Hill, and which I loved. The second was the "National Youth Ministry Convention"(NYMC), which was on the Gold Coast (I know, tough life huh?!) which was also brilliant. I will write more about those conferences over the coming weeks, however, today I want to focus on something that has started to REALLY get on my nerves.

That is being a woman in ministry.

Now before you guys stop reading and think "here goes another feminist rant", I need to say, that I am absolutely not a Feminist. I am a woman. I am created in God's image. And God loves me BECAUSE of my sex, not IN SPITE of it. Which is why the way the church has been heading has got me so riled up and frustrated.

I need to say at the outset, that I have some pretty amazing men in my life - men who impart such wisdom and knowledge, and who treat me with the utmomst respect and love, and most importantly - men who believe in me even more than I believe in myself. So this is NOT a "Men suck" blog.

Having said that, whilst I was at the NYMC, I had the chance to sit down with some amazing women and hear their heart for God. I also got to spend some time with one of the girls who founded "anya" (a group probably most active in the UK and Sydney - encouraging women and girls to realize they are highly favoured by God and encouraging them to step forward in ministry), a woman who inspires me and whom I hold quite dear, Claire. As we sat down to lunch, with our friend Richard, we inevitably got to talking about ministry, preaching, and the conference. Both of us talked about how at all these conferences, there are "token" female preachers - and that usually, they are a lot older than the girls/women attending and that they are seldom given a topic of any real depth - often left to talk about "womens issues" or "children". Not that I have a problem with either of those topics - they are both REALLY important topics to me. I love empowering girls (as does Claire) and working with children is an absolute gift - but it frustrates me that at a conference with at least 20 speakers, they only invited two female speakers. That's just outrageous!

And yet it's the same in the church everywhere. You only get invited to speak at an event as a woman if you have a bit of a "name" in the Christian world, and yet, there is no way to get that name for yourself unless (a) you've done something they can't find a man that can speak about or (b) you are held in high regard by a man, who then pushes you forward. And yet there are brilliant women out there who can preach amazingly. Like Cath McKinney, Shirley Osborn, Deb Hirsch, Ann Van Leerdam, and many more.

In the Salvo world, it's even worse... I can't name ONE female preacher who gets invited to speak anywhere who is not an officer. Not one. And the really sad part about that is - it goes directly against what William & Catherine Booth, the founders of the Salvation Army held as important - equality of men and women in God's eyes. Women are worth more than being the worship leaders, womens speakers and kids workers. William & Catherine saw that, I just don't understand where we went wrong.

We got to talking about how the worst part about this is that when people hear you complain about this - they assume you just want to speak - like it's our way of pushing ourselves forward and making it about us. It's not. But the sad thing is, that because girls aren't given a chance when they are younger, they shy away when they are asked, so someone has to stand up and say "This has to change", and if it's not girls like Claire and I who will it be? It's not about me - or Claire - or the anya girls in the UK - it's about what is right. Girls are loved by God. Women were dearly loved by Jesus. In fact, when Jesus revealed himself to women - it was to women first - both at the well and at the tomb. Jesus knew women had something unique about them, and a unique way to spread the gospel, so He used them whenever and whereever He could.

So Claire and I have decided we're going to seek out someone to pour into us within The Salvation Army. Someone who will encourage our preaching and teaching skills. Not so that we can make a name for ourselves, but so that we can impart that to the girls in our sphere of influence - so that there won't be another generation of women overlooked for their gifts and their messages. We've pledged to each other - that we will find the girls, and push them forward so that their gifts are used - and so that they might be able to do the same for girls in the next generation. We're going to be proactive. And if that means that people think I'm pushing myself on them - then that might just be what has to happen - Catherine Booth probably had the same things said about her, as did Mary Magdalene no doubt.

So watch out - us girls are on the rise - because we are women, and God loves us!