Don't sweat the petty things

Yesterday was a bad day... actually, let me say it was a REALLY bad day! Probably the worst I've had since moving to Torquay to be honest. It wasn't that any major crisis happened or anything like that, nothing dramatic, just things that feed into your mind and take over.

For instance - two different people made comments about their "disappointment" in something I'd done. Now for those of you who don't know me, I don't cope well when told I've disappointed people. I don't like disappointing people. In fact, I'd go as far as to say I HATE disappointing people. If you want to knock me for a six, all you have to say is "I would have liked if you had have......" and I'll fall in a heap and feel like a failure. Ridiculous I know, but a reality.

My immediate response when told what a disappointment I was, was anger... I was REALLY angry. Firstly, because one of the people involved had been upset with me for 3 years, and had not once mentioned it... not at all! And secondly, because the other person who I heard was upset with me (a) didn't tell me and (b) wasn't accurate in their disappointment (ie. I'd done what they had claimed I hadn't done!) So I went for a walk, but the more I walked, the more that anger turned into frustration and then into fear, and then into a sense of failure. You see both of these people probably felt better for getting it off their chest, but they had left me with nothing to do... they'd laid blame, but not given me an opportunity to do anything about their disappointment. It was too late. Any attempt of making amends was lost by the way they handled their disappointment.

So as I laid in bed last night, apologising profusely to God for being such a failure, and such a horrible person, and for not being enough, I had an epiphany. Their anger and disappointment was not my problem - what I do with their anger and disappointment towards me is my problem. It seems pretty simple to most people, but this is one of those life-lessons I've had to learn. I had a choice - a crossroads if you like - I could choose to go down the path of the "pity party" (Poor me, I'm rubbish, I'm worthless, I'm the worst youth worker in the world, I'm the worst friend ever, nobody loves me) or I could choose to apologise, try not to do it again, and move on! And that's what I've decided to do!

Now I know this seems really silly to some people, but the reality is, it's not silly to me. It's really hard for me to deal with other people's disappointment. As I've told most of my close friends before - you don't need to point out my failings and my weaknesses - trust me, I know what they are better than anyone! I have spent most of my life dwelling on those weaknesses. What you can do is be honest with me AT THE TIME I've done something, so we can sort it out. You can help me overcome my weakness, and failures. That's what I need.

So I woke up this morning, and prayed that God would help me find some encouragement, to drown out the negative voices in my head. Sure enough, as I walked out the door, and got into Catherine's car - I saw my little mate Saxon (he's 3). Big smiles, big excitement cos Sarah was here. Then as we were setting up for mainly music, Catherine told me she'd been praying for one of the situations, and that she just felt God saying "Blessed are those who are persecuted for my name" - and that I shouldn't worry what that one particular person had felt, because I'm doing what I can. Then one of my other little friends, Caitlin (also 3) was driving to mainly music and had talked to her mum about some stuff and I had come up. She was worried I might need a little extra help and her mum came right up and told me how much Caitlin loved me and was thinking about me. Right then, I realized... I can choose to listen to the two people in my life who are disappointed, or I could choose to situate myself with those who God has placed in my care spiritually (our kids) and get my encouragement from the way God is working in their lives.

You see, when you stop sweating the petty stuff, you're eyes are opened to the bigger picture. And the best way to stop getting overwhelmed by negatives, is to serve others. I just read General Shaw Clifton's letter to Salvationists. In it, he reminded us of the life of Colonel Bo Brekke, and the sacrifice he made devoting his life to others. If Colonel Brekke had let himself get bogged down by the few who might have been angry at him throughout his life, he would not have been able to impact the lives of the hundreds (possibly thousands) of people who God has used him to reach.

I leave you today with a clip of one of my favourite worship songs - it reminds us that God is ever faithful, and never changes, but mostly that God is in control - and don't we all just need a little reminding of that!