If you wanna be my lover...

You gotta buy me a ring! lol! For the record... this is not about sex, so you can stop reading if that's what caught your eye!

Now, can I just say at the outset, this is not an Agony Aunt column, I'm not asking for advice on how to snag a man, or anything like that. This is simply my thoughts, prayers and observations about relationships. Take it for what it's worth, it's just something I'm working through.

Over the past few months, I've been seriously thinking about relationships, and what it is I'm looking for within one. I guess it's natural to be thinking of such things before Training College, because - well lets face it - the pool of available men just got a whole lot smaller - or as I like to say "more refined!"

Within looking at what it is that I'm searching for in a partner, I've been praying a lot. One of the things that has really struck me is that I actually have a great desire to be a "biblical wife", which is not literally a Proverbs 31 woman (spindling clothes, being up before dawn to take care of everyone, meeting merchant ships etc.,) but to be someone for whom the needs of her husband and children are taken care of with love and grace. So I started reading all the instructions on what it means to be a biblical wife, and a passage that really struck me was in Ephesians Chapter 5:21-33:

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands
And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Wow right?! That's what I'm looking for. I totally want to submit to my husband, I totally want to be someone who treats her husband with the love and respect he deserves as the head of the household... but the thing is, he's got a massive job to do there - he's to love me as Christ loves the church - laying his life down for it. WOW!

So I was pondering that a bit (and talking to a million people about it), and what that all means. I truly believe that a biblical marriage starts from the first date. That respect and love and honour has to be there from the beginning of the relationship. Which for me means, I want the man to make the first move. If he wants me to submit to him, he must show the biblical authority he's been given in our relationship... and a lot of guys have MASSIVE issues with my ideas about this. They don't think it should be the man that makes the first move, which for me is a big thing.

So I was praying about this a bit (okay, so I was lamenting on this a bit!) and I woke up early one morning with statement in my mind, which I know was a "God thing" for me (this is how I recognize God's voice) - "Sarah, you deserve to be pursued!"

I deserve to be pursued. I will know the man I am to be with because he will pursue me. He will love and honour me and lay his pride down in order to actually say "I choose you, you are someone I want to explore what it might mean to be in a covenant relationship with" (not literally those words lol - more "hey Sare, wanna give us a go or what?" would be sufficient! lol)... and it will start from the first date. I truly believe, he will look over at me one day and see my spiritual beauty (the one talked about in 1 Peter 3:1-6). And he will act upon that.

The thing is, I was talking to a friend the other day and he said "The problem for us guys is, we don't know when a girl even likes us anymore - you're so confusing". So within that idea of a woman submitting to her husband as to the Lord, and a husband being to a wife as Christ is to the church - I began to think. What if I first need to say to that man that I want him to pursue me. I mean, I had to accept Christ into my life, I had to invite him in. So is that all that's needed? Perhaps I don't make it obvious enough to these amazing spiritual men around me that they are great, they are awesome, they are definately someone I would want and allow to pursue me!

Relationships are just so difficult, so hard to manage!

So, "If you wanna be my lover"... you've got to know that in God's eyes - I deserve to be pursued, and that my hearts desire, is to be a biblical wife! And a word of advice for all you fellas out there - be a man, look for the spiritually beautiful woman, and pursue her! She deserves it, and you will be blessed for it! If she doesn't accept your advances - don't give up, think yourself lucky that when you pursue the "right" woman, it will all have been worth it!

Okay - enough sappy junk, I'm back to work! lol