Is it time to call a spade a spade?

We’re currently doing the Hands that Heal training in sex-traffiking in preparation for the Brothel Chaplaincy ministry some of us female Cadets are about to take up.

Perri (our dear friend, and great trainer!) was talking about how we need to call these things for what they are. So instead of saying Sex-worker, we need to say Prostituted Person or Victim (thanks to Estelle & Captain Steve Court for pointing out the difference between prostitute and prostituted person). Instead of saying “client” we need to call them “Perpetrator”. This goes against a lot of my social work training – where we’re taught to use “politically correct terms”. It’s a challenge for me, but I have been thinking a lot about this, and I honestly think it’s important to do this.

The terms we use today have totally “normalized” what sex-work is. IT’s made it as though what is happening is okay – and whilst at no point would I EVER judge a woman who has wound up in prostitution, I do think that by normalizing it, we make out that it’s okay that there are people who are willing to pay for sex – who are willing to devalue the life of another for their own personal gratitude.

Just after I started thinking this through, I caught the last 5 minutes of a TV show called ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’. It’s essentially about a call girl and her life. It seemed to have quite a “positive” message at the end of this show – that the decisions this girl had made, cost her greatly in relationships – that she was unable to keep a relationship as a result of her line of work.

So, thinking I might actually be able to use this to strengthen my prep work for this ministry, I jumped online and watched a few episodes of the show – and it really really upset me! For one thing, it not only normalizes prostitution and the men who pay for sex – it actually GLAMOURIZES it! I am quite concerned about this being seen as a “good option” for people who want to make good money. The danger of “normalizing” prostitution is that it:
(a) devalues those who are forced into this work – either because they are traffiked, or they feel it is their worth, or they have addiction problems etc.
and
(b) it makes it okay for men to exploit women for sex – for them to commit adultery with another woman (because surely it’s not adultery if they pay for it – WHAT?!?!)

One of the lines the character said at the beginning of the first episode was that she didn’t get into it because she was “touched” by some relative or something along those lines.

The thing is – I’ve met and become friends with a fair few prostitutes in my time. Not ONE of them started working because it was a “good” option. Every one I have met is an abuse victim – either sexual or physical – and prostitution is either what they think they are worth (their worth is in offering sex to men) or it’s a way of regaining power – they own their body.

One of the social workers I worked with in the past was a “madam” in a brothel, and she told me that every girl she ever worked with had some form of abuse in her life. That “normal” girls don’t “choose” that line of work – because it is often degrading and lonely work.

I’m not saying that 100% of girls who become prostitutes are abuse victims – but this show makes out like it’s “normal” for a girl to choose to work as a prostitute for money – and those girls are the minority not the majority.

So whilst this TV show does attempt to show some of the “darker” sides of prostitution – it still normalizes it – it still says that it’s okay – and the fact of the matter is that it’s not. It’s not ok to degrade someone by paying them for sex. You are a perpetrator, not a “client”. It is not okay to think your worth is to sell yourself for sex. You are worth so very much more than this.

I’m working on my language – but the truth of the matter is this – God loves each and every one of the women that we are about to start ministering to. He longs for them to know their worth, that He created them for a greater purpose and that He longs to bring them to a fullness in themselves. There’s no condemnation in Christ’s eyes, only love and a desire for so much more for their lives. So as we go in to these brothels, the message I’ll bring is “You are beautiful with God’s beauty, beautiful inside and out. God is with you” (Luke 1:28 – The Message).

So from here on in – I’m going to call a spade a spade. I’m going to de-normalize prostitution. Not out of judgement of the women involved – but out of pure concern that society thinks that this is okay – which I’m fairly sure grieves the heart of God.