The bigger things in life

So over the past few weeks, I've had time to start to look at the bigger issues in life - not the little petty things we worry about but the things that affect who we are and who we are becoming.

One of those for me, is who I allow to speak into my life. As someone who takes what people say to heart, I need to be careful at who I allow to speak into my life. The problem with this is that I'm not very wise at it. I often carry comments people say to me deep within me for many years, when they could have (a) been a throw away line or (b) not even been about me - but directed at me because of where the person giving the comment was at spiritually or emotionally. This is something I continue to work on, but it's something that's kind of been coming to a head for me for a little while now. You see, I have a few people in my life who I really disagree with - theologically and emotionally they are my polar opposite. I love these people, and they are dear friends of mine. But I should not be allowing them to speak into my life. Meaning, I shouldn't be taking what they say on board. They are good Christian people, and I'm sure that what they are saying they think is the right thing - but the Jesus they profess to know, and the idea of church they believe in is just not my experience of Jesus and chruch. And yet sometimes after having a conversation (or debate - because we all know that I can hold my own when it comes to hearing things I disagree with!) I leave feeling condemned and inadequate. I'm sure that was not at all their intention - as I said these are dear friends of mine who have known me for a long time - but I carry their throw away comments and the condemnation and inadequacy for a long time afterwards. Perhaps they feel the same way - who knows?! But what I'm saying, is that I need to learn to be more careful at who's advice and guidance I am really willing to listen to.

The reason I've been thinking about this lately is that I've been trying to find a mentor figure I can see on a regular basis. I've always been surrounded by some of the most amazing people and brilliant pastors/officers/social workers/theologians/youth workers - right from an early age, I can remember discussions of theology, and youth work practice taking place around me. This is because of who my parents are, and the kind of ministry they have had - which in turn has meant that their friends have been great youth work practitioners, Officers, Pastors and social workers. As I got older and moved into the field myself, I was still always surrounded by these people, who took an active interest in my career - if for no other reason than they'd know me my whole life, and they wanted to "check in on me". Even as I gained more experience, for some reason I've always been able to surround myself with older and wiser mentor figures who I would see often due to the various meetings I'd have to attend, and who I would grab a coffee or a meal with afterwards to work through some of the deeper questions I had. These were people who saw me on a regular basis, took an active interest in me, and wanted to impart their passion, their wisdom and their experience onto the next generation. I've never "formalized" that mentoring relationship because I never had to. I knew I would see them either once a month, or every week in some cases.

Since moving to the Surf Coast now, I haven't had that. I'm not around the experienced practitioners, and they're not seeing or hearing about the work I'm doing. This has made my time with my Dad so much richer - because a lot of the things I'd normally wait and ask one of his friends rather than allowing him to impart his knowledge and wisdom - I'm needing to rely on him for. And as his daughter, I know he'll share more with me about things than he would someone he is mentoring - I also know he expects more of me than someone he is mentoring... a pressure I don't have with others. So there is a need for me to find a mentor. But when you are someone like me - who takes what people say to heart and not at face value - there is a need to find a pretty special person to do that, and how do you go about doing that?

For instance the ideal mentor for me is:
* Someone with a richer experience than me in Youth/Social/Welfare/Ministry Work (that's a given - and it could be in one or all of the above)
* Someone with a wider view of theology and spirituality than me (also a given)
* Someone who's not afraid to speak their mind
* Someone who values me when I speak mine - even if it differs from their opinion
* Someone who's willing to challenge me on areas I need to look at - but who does so in a loving way - not out of spite or negativity, but out of a genuine desire to see me become a better person.
* Someone who understands that as a mentor their responsibility is not to tell me what they think - but to share with me their journey - and get me to widen my thoughts and opinions
* Finally - someone who believes in me more than I believe in myself, who wants to see me develop into the best youth worker and person I can be, and who delights in my successes and helps me work through my failures without judgement or a sense of competition.

On top of that, they need to be someone I'm going to see, or who has time to invest regularly, not just once every now and then. But I'm finding that is exceedingly difficult to find someone as people are so busy nowadays!

At the end of the day, I think we all need that don't we? We all need someone we can go to, to bounce ideas off, to sit at their feet and grow and develop as people. And then in turn hopefully we can become the sort of people those younger than us can seek out to mentor. Perhaps you have already found someone, and that's great! Perhaps you're already mentoring, and that's really awesome!

So if any of you have any suggestions of who I might be able to approach, please let me know. If you don't, would you join me in praying that I can find that person? And I will pray that you too will find someone!