Forging Relationships

Like what I did there?! Most of you have no idea what the title of this would actually mean - unless we just spent the weekend together - at The Salvation Army Southern Territory's Youth Workers Conference which involved attending the FORGE gathering "Grassroots".

Something struck me over this weekend - the value of forging relationships that strengthen you as a person, a youth worker and as a person in ministry.

I don't think we often think enough about the people that can support us and love us in our ministry positions, and as people. And that struck me massively over the weekend. I promise I'm going to write more about the conference itself in the coming days, I'm just letting the teaching "sit" within my heart and mind and soul at the moment before I comment on what I believe because of it.

But I want to share a unique moment I had with a dear friend and mentor figure in my life. You see, I went to thank her for her teaching that morning, as she was seriously brilliant, and in five minutes, she tore down the things that were holding me back, named them, had me in tears, encouraged me and urged me forward. In five minutes, she was able to do for me that which people have tried for years. She said something along the lines of this:

"Sarah, STOP IT... STOP IT NOW. You constantly let people, generally in positions of perceived power, silence your voice. You have to STOP it! (this was the bit I started to cry in) You have a very strong calling on your life, and a very clear and important message to give. You have a strong conviction, anointing and message of Grace, but you stop yourself from speaking out when you know you should because you think people won't like you. Who cares? STOP IT! Be who you are called to be. Who you are called to be is a powerful woman." She then went on to remind me that next year I'm going to Training College, and people are going to box me in, and try to make me who they want to be, again, people in perceived positions of power, again she said "STOP IT! Give your message, your God appointed message". She told me that many people with similar convictions as mine, are insulted and put down and people try to silence them. They speak anyway. Then she said something that blew my mind, she said "You have no idea how many people pray for you and support you".

She said a bunch of other stuff, that was more pointed, but is not fair to write as it would be too telling of the people involved in the situations, so I'm not going to write it, but what I've been thinking about and trying to work through ever since - is how do you STOP IT? How do you stop letting people in perceived positions of power (whether they be family, friends, workmates, congregation members, teachers, pastors, or whoever) silence you? How do you stop that? I mean, if you fight them, you usually make things worse (well in my particular experience I think it makes it worse) and you certainly create tension. So when you're someone who is a peace-maker, a grace-lover and a justice fighter all at the same time, how do you stop the silencing but still keep the peace.

Which is wehre I guess the "people who pray and support you" come in huh? But how do you find those people?

These are the answers I've come up with so far:
1. You pray that God would give you the strength to speak when you need to and the wisdom to know when to remain silent.
2. Within your spirit you don't give the people who try to silence you permission to speak into your life. You don't change how you relate to them, you don't tell them, but in your heart and mind you say to yourself "I don't give XXXXX permimssion to speak into my life, I don't receive what they're saying"
3. You find people who are wise, loving and full of grace to surround you - if not in location, then certianly in prayer and via facebook/email/phone etc., and you remain in an HONEST relationship with these people - sharing with them your hopes and fears and taking on board their constructive criticism and receiving their prayers.

That's where I've got to so far, hopefully others will have more advice.

What I took from this weekend? That I have some amazing friends, mentors and peer mentors in my life. That The Salvation Army has some of the most phenomenal youth workers, filled with strong conviction and a clear passion and calling to serving God and the youth of this Territory. That these people (men & women) have so much to offer - me, the youth in their Corps (churches), The Salvation Army and most importantly God!

I met some awesome people over the weekend and got to reconnect with some of my oldest and dearest friends. Together, I'm hoping we can figure out the WHERE TO NOW? questions together...