I’m finding it increasingly difficult to find people who truly speak words of truth into your life. I’ve got amazing friends, but sometimes it’s just really hard to not be the “strong” one or the “together” one, sometimes you just have to be broken, and not everyone can handle that, and nor should everyone.
Last night, I was sitting under the very very heavy burden of shame, and guilt, and condemnation, and pain, and the lies and words of death that had been sewn into my heart over the past few years. The thing is, I knew they were all lies, I knew what was going on, well it wasn’t of God basically. I knew that condemnation isn’t something God wants His children to feel, but I just couldn’t shake it. I didn’t have the strength to fight it on my own. I sent out a text message to some of my friends asking for prayer.
My housemate, my beautiful housemate Venita, who was supposed to be in Melbourne, wasn’t. She was home. And whilst I sat there in my brokenness, she spoke words of truth, and life into my heart. For every doubt I had about myself or what I had to offer this world, she had words of truth and love and grace and peace. Every time I said “I know but…” she would say “no, you’re this….”
Even throughout all the stuff going on for her, she sat there in my stuff right by my side. She sat there and was Jesus to me. She sat there and listened to all my junk, warts and all junk, and still loved me, even throughout all of that. We sat there bare, all our insecurities, all our vulnerabilities right there on the table, and you know what… there was no shame in sharing with her. There was only grace and love pouring out from her.
How I crave that sort of relationship. How I seek after it. How I seek to BE that sort of person to people – the person that, no matter what junk you put on the table, I’m right there speaking words of truth, and love and peace and grace. That’s what I’m praying for now…. Even in my brokenness and pain, that I might be the sort of person who is safe to be with, who speaks truth and love and life into your life.
It reminds me of that old chorus:
“Something beautiful, something good, all my confusion, He understood.
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife.
But He made something, beautiful of my life”
May that be true for each of us.
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2 comments:
Hi Sarah, I know what you mean it seems we get so caught up by being strong and caring for others we dont get the chance to deal with our stuff. And if you want to deal with it who can you speak to, without it being held against you !
It is sooo true that you know most of the junk is exactly that JUNK but sometimes you cant see clearly enough in that moment and you need someone to just listen and support you.
You are an INCREDIBLE WOMAN and we are better for the friendship we share with you. I wish my life could be as uplifting to others as yours is.
Love and Prayers, Darren
Darren,
Tears roll down my face as I read your beautiful words. What a gift your friendship has been to me! A gift I know will follow the rest of our ministry journeys... a journey I'm excited to share with you & Sue.
Wiht love,
Sare xo
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