Well last night I said goodbye to a friend for a long while. And for the first time in my life, I realized the value of "grown up" relationships. You know the type - where you talk about things maturely, not make some dramatic scene.
My friend is an amazing person. He is wise and compassionate and loving and very kind. But he is so unsure of himself and so unable to see the brilliant man I, and I assume so many others see. And I was actually able to tell him that, without fear that he was going to read into it, or think I was a fool. I'm sad that I won't get to see him for a long time. And saying goodbye to friends is really hard. I know that whenever God allows our paths to cross again we will pick up where we left off with a whole lot of life stories to tell inbetween. And I know that he knows he can contact me whenever he needs to.
But what last night did was drive home to me what one of my recent blogs talked about - the value of telling people what they mean to you. Saying goodbye to someone often prompts you to say what you need to say, but we shouldn't wait until it's time to say goodbye. I should have told my friend what I thought of him before we had to say goodbye!
What a blessing friends are. While I've been sick I've really noticed what a blessing friends can be - the chats, and visits, and chocolate, and flowers, and food and hugs - have all helped see me through. But beyond that, friends are the people who know who you really are and choose to love you.
So from now, let's not wait until it's time to part ways before we thank people for the part they play in our lives. To remind them that they are put in our lives for a purpose and a reason. That they are the people God has chosen for you.
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4 comments:
Interesting. I've been following your blog for a while. I came across it just randomly doing a google search for an art work. I started reading out of amusement and without you knowing I've been passing it around to a few of my friends for our shared enjoyment.
I'm not religious. I was brought up in the salvation army; as were some of my friends. My own process of liberation has already taken place. I'm sorry to hear of your illness - and I'm glad you've come to understand the value of adult relations. Seems rather than have a general and what would be usually considered adult conversation with this person you have chosen to have it mediated - and 'public'. Weird don't you think?
I only wonder if you realise how someone from outside your, what seems, incestuous circle views what you write?
Do you ever ponder that?
Maybe you only view things through the process of gravity?
Curious James.
Hmm James I thought a bit about whether I was going to respond to your comment, but decided that since you asked questions, it's only fair to answer them.
Blogs generally tend to be peoples musings on life - an online journal for people to see. I am a fairly transparent person and so nothing I write is a secret.
As for having the conversation mediated and 'public' it wasn't anything I hadn't said to the person - and I didn't need it mediated. If you re-read the post it talks about how great it is to be able to say the things you need to say without fear - and the importance of not waiting for the "goodbye" moments to say such things.
Interesting you should ask this question today, as this afternoon I was at a funeral of a dear friend of the family. He was a man I never got the opportunity to thank for the input he has had in my life - mostly because you take for granted a lot of the people who impact you in your childhood. So I stand by posting what I wrote. I'm sorry if you misunderstood it as needing mediation - the friendship with the person in question was far from needing that.
Granted a lot of people who read my blog are Salvo young people or friends I grew up with. But I've also had many people come across my blog when searching on google for certain issues, and these people have contacted me and thanked me for my thought provoking posts. Not all agree with me - and actually I like that, because it is in the diversity that I grow as a person. Some have been inspired by what I have written - to which I have to be thankful that my experience has helped them to grow. That's a gift as much for me as for them.
So yes I do ponder what I write, and who might read it.
As for your "process of liberation" I went through that too - and chose to come back. I left The Salvation Army a very very damaged individual and came back a strong independant woman who decided that I can't change anything from the outside looking in.
I'm glad that I provide some amusement to you - if that was a vain attempt at an insult then that's ok. For every person who finds the blog "amusing" there is one or two who have contacted me thanking me for my posts.
I wish you well. If you would like to have a mature and "adult conversation" regarding any of my posts you are free to do what others have done and leave an email address in a response marked "DO NOT PUBLISH" and we can continue this further.
I hope that answers some of your curiosity.
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for taking the time to reply.
Sorry for the delay in getting back to you; bit of a time lag from where I'm sitting.
My comments in regards to amusement were not a veiled or vain attempt to insult you. In some sense I guess I can see how it would read that way. Who knows; maybe it read as insulting without me even being fulling aware of my words.
Thanks for the clarification - regarding mediation. In terms of passing your blog around - I've used your blog - as 1 of many examples to discuss the pymsian idea of information technology and human relations - focusing on the idea that the authority we give to the reading of the visual word [blogs about the person] represent a seriously diminished view of ourselves. Very dear and interesting man Denis Pym. Much like myself and my eventual frustration with the Army - Dennis was involved in corporate world - Government - Big Business here in the U.K. He was predominately located within the London School of Business where he attempted to meld humanist philosophies into his teaching to managers, agencies, government and corporate clients. Eventually he came to the view; as have I that those sitting at the top fail to hold the capacity to change anything. In the words of Baron Acton, 'Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely'. With such undying loyalty shown to the army by officers, their willingness to accept the decisions of their superiors, the pressure one feels from family, friends ect. One can see how I quickly came to that realisation. One can effect minimal change from within, structural change comes from working your way up the ladder - and the quote above serves that process well. A sickening incestuous process.
I agree with your sentiments regarding the importance of letting people know when they have impacted your life in a very positive way. [and negative - as hard as that is] I had an experience like this about 10 years ago when I quite randomly ran across someone who had helped me with something in the past. To be able to ask that person out for tea and offer them a simple token of my gratitude was of huge significance for myself personally. I only hope they took something similar away from that moment.
Regards,
James
Thanks for your clarification James. I suppose your comment about amusement could have been taken either way, and given the space I was in the night you posted, I took it in the negative.
I understand a bit more about where you're coming from. I'm actually contemplating a blog on the "power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely" topic because it's an issue I'm currently "battling".
I'd be interested to hear more about your comment about the "idea of information technology and human relations - focusing on the idea that the authority we give to the reading of the visual word [blogs about the person] represent a seriously diminished view of ourselves." Can you clarify that further for me? For me personally - my friends can vouch - that what I write on here, is usually the rant I have in our conversations - the soapbox I'm currently on so to speak. Perhaps I've misunderstood your theory?
Anyway, thanks for your comments, I think you and I would have much to talk about if we ever met. Can't say we'd agree on everything - but I think you'd be surprised about some of my views and about my journey should you hear more of it - I'm not the "blindly following orders" kind of girl, and I am far from someone whose loyalty is undying - particularly when injustice occurs - thankfully I know of leaders who don't believe in undying loyalty for bad behaviour. I doubt I'll make it very far up the ladder with my views, but as long as I can bring about change to the next generation that, I guess, is a legacy that hopefully will bring about change for generations to come! :)
HOpe to hear from you again,
Sare
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