Turned a Whiter Shade of Pale

Well as most of my “readers” and friends would know, I’ve been really sick for months now. I recently found out I have a disease of my thyroid, and was told if it was left untreated I could have died. My heart scare helped me realize how right that is, as your entire body reacts to this disease. And I’m very lucky, and I might add, blessed that it was diagnosed when it was. Because it was at the bad end of the disease, heading towards dangerous apparently, according to other sufferers of this illness.

One of the symptoms/side-effects of this disease is massive anxiety. And I can’t even tell you how hard it is to literally feel like the room is closing in on you and that there is impending doom. This is the most recent symptom to me (as if all the others weren’t bad enough, I’m walking around pale as anything!!) and I’d like to say it’s one that as a Christian I can overcome, but so far prayer is not taking this anxiety away – it’s physiological not psychological.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how dark this world is for some people. What a horrible place to be, to not have hope for the future. What a horrible place to be to not know that there is a God who loves you and will look after you. What a horrible place to be not knowing where you will go if you were to die tonight.

I kind of joke with people about my disease, partly that’s a defence mechanism, but partly it’s because I know how blessed I am to be in a place where the future is in control, God has His hand upon me, and even if the worst happened, I know exactly where I’ll be.

Throughout this health saga I’ve experienced, I’ve also come to the conclusion that Jesus is the only one I’m going to cling to. Friends and family may fail you. Your health may fail you. Your job most certainly will at some point. But Jesus, wow, Jesus will never fail you.

Praise God for that! :)